Scene: The muted fluorescence of Merv Griffin’s retrofuturistic Jeopardy! set. A bearded wannabe-hipster named David stands in palms-sweaty anticipation in front of his podium, giddy with luck. It’s been his day, with categories such as “Mets Baseball Players 1987-2010,” “Philadelphia Music Acts 2006-2011,” “Yesterday’s NYT.Com Headlines,” and “Movies That Most Reasonable People Like But I Think Suck.” There’s only square left in play.
David: I’ll take “The Right Music for the Moment” for $1200, Alex.
Dooodododo rings from the speakers
Alex: That’s our final daily double. David, you have a insurmountable lead over your librarian and research assistant competitors who know important things, are not from Philadelphia, and do not love the New York Mets.
David: I got this, Alex. I’m betting it all.
Alex: [An appreciative whistle.] Oh-kay. For a total of $64,400. …. The category again is “Right Music for the Moment” and the answer is… “The best musician to play on a jukebox on a gente snowy day as you eat brunch at a bar.”
David: [A relieved, confident sigh.] Who is Townes Van Zandt?
Alex Oh… I’m sorry. We were looking for Coldplay. Coldplay.
David Fuck you, Alex.
* not by Sean Connery